Instead of thinking about a checklist of rules, have you actually tried simply loving whoever God has placed in your path? And if we just love somebody with SSA (same-sex attraction), no matter where they are at in their lives, do we really trust Holy Spirit to do His job? If Holy Spirit’s primary job is to reveal Jesus to all of us, doesn’t that look like how Christ acted, meaning loving “sinners” first and foremost, right where they are?
We have discovered that there are SO many reasons why various churches and people focus on religious behaviors instead of grace. A wise friend of mine told me last week that it’s important not to constantly talk about the doctrine of grace vs. performance-based religious behaviors, rather he has learned to just love whoever walks through the doors of his life. As he does that he gets plenty of opportunities to talk about Jesus, in a no-pressure manner. How beautiful.
I think a huge reason why this has often been so difficult for me to do myself is that the whole deal about behaving properly has been DEEPLY embedded into my life. As I have been releasing my (literal) death-grip on behaving in X manner I have been able to stop beating myself up if I do fail, and I’ve been able to talk more openly with my friends and family about whatever behavior I need to talk about. This is only possible in a community of grace. I pray you have that in your life too!
There’s a wonderful book called The Cure that we have linked on our Resources page. It is an allegory that teaches about how freeing it is to be able to take off our religious masks, to be real, and to feel safe talking about anything and everything in our lives with people who really do love us. As we do that we can grow towards simply loving everybody who God places in our lives, of course including those with SSA.