Our friend Julie Rodgers just put up a blog post entitled “If I Don’t Have the Gift”. It’s another honest, beautiful post about what her life is like as a single gal with SSA. Take a look at her concluding 2 paragraphs quoted below. Bottom line – in the church we ALL have a role to play in the lives of single and married people with SSA. Please ask God to help you be aware of realities in their lives, and be ready to be a real friend whenever needed.
“Since I don’t have superhero strength that makes this easy for me, what do I do when I experience all those natural desires that are sometimes sexual, sometimes romantic, sometimes warm-fuzzy-gay-gushy butterflies? I don’t cut them off; I don’t detach; I don’t go into relational robot mode where I squeeze my heart, body and emotions into an intellectual box void of feeling. I pray. I chat it out with my community more than they care to hear. I pray more. I chat it out more. I think about what it would look like to truly love that person I desire, and I allow the Scriptures to inform and transform my desire into a love that I believe honors God. Since I really believe He knew what He was doing when He laid down how we would thrive, I trust that the most loving thing I can do for others is to strive to love them in the manner God’s deemed good. If I were to act on the desires (no matter how strong they might be), I feel I’d be withholding true love from them by re-writing the definitions of love to make room for my feelings in that moment (or season). If I were to act on those desires, it would be an inauthentic love because I would be stepping outside of my convictions, cutting of an integral part of myself and my beliefs, and entering into something that would be outside of what God intends for that relationship. Because I don’t want to cut off of shut down (which is what I’d be doing if I cut off my convictions or silenced the Spirit’s voice), I choose to sit in the tension of desire that can’t be consummated and wait to be surprised by how God shows up. And He does. Every time. And I believe love is expressed in and through that, even if it’s not the sexy version of love we see in Love Actually.
All of that is a slow, messy process that plays out in an environment of grace. Those of us living into it need a solid community of Christians to walk with us through the complexities. We need a place to talk about gay desires and gay love and confusion about how to express it. If we’re going to be relationally connected and in touch with the whole of who we are, then we can’t shut it down or turn it off; it’ll spew out sideways or cause us to combust. I know it’s kind of awkward and that others would prefer we just not have those desires (most of us would prefer that too), but we do, and there’s healing in sharing it with others. If gay Christians are going to live out our convictions with honesty and integrity, we need you to be a part of that with us. What’s crazy is that God sanctifies us in the process and it’s the most surprisingly beautiful thing ever, so if you share in the difficulties then you’ll also get to share in the seasons when we’re surprised by grace.”